The Teachers that I work with in the pre-school are very, very good at scaffolding social/emotional learning with children. That doesn't mean everyone feels happy all the time, in fact it means that hard things, sadness, worry and fear are seen as opportunities for children to begin talking together and learning about what other people like, and how they feel. Learning to play together and to respect each other's personal styles and ways of being are no doubt very important in growing up to be a kind person who is able to share and listen. I believe in this strongly.

Lately, however, I've been feeling a tiny little bit of doubt about it all. It has begun to seem to me that in helping children with these skills, it is crucially important for teachers to monitor their own expectations about how people should be. I have begun to think that there is a very, very fine line between helping children be part of a group, and teaching children to behave in a very similar way, a way that 'meets our expectations'.
Now at Sabot, the teachers have a very beautiful way of talking with children, especially when strong feelings arise or there are difficult circumstances, like conflict or sadness. The culture of the school encourages connectedness, listening and empathy. Of course, no one gets it right every time, but the teachers work hard to listen closely, treat each other well, and talk about it when they fall short.
So I feel like I come from a pretty good place, but still, this new idea nags at me. How can teachers be sure that their expectations for behavior and relationships give each child a chance to be who they are? Within the expectation that we are all going to be kind to each other, how can we make room for those who relate to each other differently? It is easy to see, and we have much training which tells us, that we should make room for the person with big differences -someone who doesn't speak, for instance, or has extreme sensory sensitivities. But how do we be sure we aren't lumping all of the other children together and expecting them to play in a way that is not their way? How can schools create a social/emotional culture of learning that respects each person's individual differences?
Well, that's what I'm thinking about. What do you think?